Genesis

Genesis Chapter 1:  The first story of creation, the six days of creation,

Genesis Chapter 2:  The end of the first creation story, The second story of creation, Contradictions with first story,

Genesis Chapter 3:  The Fall of Man, God’s punishments, eviction of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, God’s first lie, legged snakes.

Genesis Chapter 4:  Adam’s boys, the first murder, God’s punishment, Incest, Capital Punishment, First Begats List

Genesis Chapters 5-6:  Discuss the Begat list in Chapter 5, start putting a date to the stories, and get started on Noah’s Flood

Genesis Chapter 7:  I cover the genocide of every human on the planet except for seven people, I try to figure out how to stuff millions of animals on a boat smaller than any NFL stadium, we see a few examples of God’s senility, and we look at God’s confusion about how many animals to put on the Ark

Genesis Chapter 8-11:  The flood comes to an end, I explain where the water went, more divine senility, Noah the Drunk, God gives away the first slave, Tower of Babel, Noah’s family line to Abraham

Genesis Chapters 12-15:  In this post we follow Abram/Abraham and Lot around the Middle East, Witness God’s first plague, see Abraham the Liar in action, watch Lot’s and Abraham’s relationship change in the blink of an eye, see Abraham the Warlord in action, and discover that God can’t read a compass

Genesis Chapters 16-19:  Abraham bangs the maid and has a bastard son named Ishmael, God shows that he is pro-slavery as well as supportive of beating and raping your slaves, Abraham goes on a circumcision bender, God has a bit of fun with Genocide, and Biblical family values on display.

Genesis Chapters 20-24:  Abraham has a son with his wife, and throws his bastard son and his mother out into the desert, Abraham tries to kill his legitimate son, Incest, Incest, and more Incest, Sarah dies, Abraham stays in family to buy a wife for his son, and we try to unravel Abraham’s tangled mess of a family tree to this point.

Genesis Chapters 25-28:  Abraham gets remarried then dies; Brotherly love Bible style; Isaac tries his hand at the family con; Rebekah teaches Jacob how to lie and swindle his father; More incest.

Genesis Chapters 29-35:  Continuation of the story of Jacob; More incest; More maid breeding; Jacob the Family Man; Jacob the Magician; Jacob the Thief; Jacob slaughters a town; Jacob and Esau are reunited; and Isaac dies

Genesis Chapters 36-42:  Esau’s Family; More Biblical brotherly love; Sex with a daughter-in-law; Joseph the Dream Weaver; God starves a bunch of people; Joseph walking like an Egyptian.

Genesis Chapters 43-50:  God continues to try and starve his followers; Joseph scares his brothers; Jacob moves his family to Egypt; and Jacob dies