Tag Archives: Isaac

Genesis Chapters 29-35

Chapter 29

Rachel_WilliamDyceSo, after Jacob has his dream of grandeur, he heads east toward his uncle’s.  After a while he comes upon some guys watering their sheep and asks them if they know his uncle Laban; they say yes and point out his daughter Rachel who’s approaching the well to “water” her sheep.  So, Jacob goes over, helps her water her sheep and kisses her.  After he kisses her, he tells her who he is. (29:1-12)

Rachel tells her dad about Jacob, and instead of killing him for attacking his daughter he invites him to his home, where Jacob tells him that he is his nephew.  Jacob stays there for a month free of charge. (29:13-14)

541px-Dante's_Vision_of_Rachel_and_LeahAfter a while Laban asks Jacob what he wants and what he has to offer. Jacob offers seven years of service for Rachel, even though Rachel has an older sister Leah. Laban accepts the deal and Jacob works for him for seven years. (29:15-20)

At the end of seven years Jacob says it’s time for Laban to honor his deal and give him his wife so he can “…go in unto her.”  So Laban throws a big feast, and that night Jacob takes his mother’s cousin, Leah and goes “in unto her.” (29:21-23) and Laban gives Leah his maid. (29:24)

Well, Jacob doesn’t realize that he went in unto the wrong sister until morning.  He goes to Laban and complains about being tricked.  Laban tells him that the youngest daughter can’t get married before the older, but if Jacob will work for him for seven more years he can have Rachel too. Jacob agrees, so he marries his sister-in-law, and works for her dad/his great-uncle for seven more years.  During this time, he treats Rachel better than he does Leah. (29:25-30)

God sees how Jacob is treating his first wife, so he makes Rachel Barren and makes Leah quite fertile.  Leah ends up having four sons:  Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah. (29:31-35)

Chapter 30

Rachel starts getting jealous of her sister/sister-in-law’s having children when she’s not.  At first she gets all dramatic and blames Jacob for her not having any kids, but then decides that if her maid gives birth in her lap then it’s the same as if she gave birth.  She has Jacob sleep with her maid Bilhah. (30:1-4)

Jacob starts sleeping with Rachel’s maid and she starts having kids, which Rachel, who doesn’t seem to understand the idea of childbirth, starts taking credit for.  Bilhah has two sons in Rachel’s place:  Dan, and Naphtali. (30:5-8)

Not to be outdone, Leah pimps her maid Zilpah to Jacob, and Zilpah has two sons:  Gad, and Asher (30:9-13)

As time goes on Reuben, Leah’s oldest boy, finds some mandrakes.  Rachel tells Leah that she can have her turn with Jacob in return for the magic roots.  Leah takes her up on her offer, and as a result has three more children: two boys, Issachar, and Zebulun, as well as a girl, Dinah. (30:14-21)

Now that Rachel has mandrakes God allows her to have a kid whom she names Joseph. (30:22-24)

After Joseph is born Jacob decides that it’s time for him to get ready to move back home, so he makes a deal with his great-uncle/father-in-law to earn some livestock.  Jacob then uses magical animal-husbandry to increase his own stock while depleting Laban’s stock. (30:25-43)

Chapter 31

Jacob finds out that his brothers-in-law/cousins are upset about his using magic to increase his own herds and depleting their father’s.  Jacob and God decide that it’s time for Jacob to run away back to his father’s land.  Jacob gathers all his livestock, children and wives together, and tells his wives to take whatever they think should be theirs.  Rachel does as Jacob suggested, and the Jacob clan takes off. (31:1-21)  It takes Laban, Rachel and Leah’s father, three days to notice that the Jacob clan had fled. (31:22)

Seven days later, Laban catches up with Jacob and company, and God tells Laban not to talk with Jacob, so Laban goes to talk with Jacob. (31:23-25)

Laban asks Jacob why he snuck away without a goodbye and subtly mentions that he could kill him, but chooses not to because God told him not to.  Jacob uses a version of his father’s and grandfather’s old excuse and says he did it because he thought Laban would take his wives. (31:26-31) Then Jacob claims ignorance of Rachel stealing anything. (31:32)

512px-Ciro_Ferri_-_The_Reconciliation_of_Jacob_and_Laban

So Laban searches for the stuff that Rachel had stolen, but doesn’t find it.  Then Jacob throws a hissy fit, and Laban says that even though everything Jacob has is technically his he will make a deal with him. (31:33-44)  Laban says that as long as Jacob doesn’t mistreat his daughters, then he will let everything slide.  Jacob agrees and promises to do right by the girls, and the two men part amicably. (31:45-55)

Chapter 32

Jacob takes all of his ill-gotten gains and heads toward home.  On the way he sends a messenger to Esau to let him know he’s coming.  The messenger comes back and says Esau is headed their way with 400 men, and Jacob gets scared, so he divides his crew into two groups, and then has some men take a bunch of livestock and get between him and Esau as an offering for Esau, then he prays for help, and hides his family. (32:1-23)

Then Jacob spends the night wrestling with some angel who decides to change Jacob’s name to Israel. (32:24-32)

Chapter 33

Rubens_Reconciliation_of_Jacob_and_EsauJacob meets with Esau in the morning, and introduces his family.  Esau it seems was happy to see him and had brought the men to help Jacob defend his family and livestock, so Jacob had been scared of nothing. (33:1-15)

Then Esau goes home, and Jacob sets up camp in Shechem and builds an altar which he names Eleloheisrael. (33:16-20)

Chapter 34

Shechem_seizes_DinahThe local prince sees Dinah, rapes her, then decides that he would like to marry her, so he tells his dad to get her for him. (34:1-4)

So the boy’s dad meets with Jacob, and Jacob says that if every man in the city will get circumcised then he’ll agree to the marriage.  The king says ok, and has every man get circumcised.  Three days later when all the men of the city are hurting from the crude penile surgery, Jacob and his men go in and kill all of the men, take the women and children as slaves, and destroy everything else. He does this because he doesn’t want his children breeding outside of the family. (34:5-31)

Chapter 35

God tells Jacob to go to Bethel.  Jacob has his clan change their clothes and hand over all their jewelry and gods, which Jacob stashes under an oak tree by the city that he had just destroyed. (35:1-4)

As Jacob travels, everyone leaves him alone since he had already destroyed one city, and Jacob eventually arrives in Luz where he had started his run from Esau.  While there, God promises him all the stuff that he had promised his father and grandfather, they bury Rebekah’s dead nurse, God changes Jacob’s name to Israel, even though an angel had already done that, obviously without telling God about it, and Jacob renames the place Bethel having completely forgotten that he had already renamed the place Bethel before, and that he had gone there since God told him to go to Bethel. (35:5-15)

After leaving Bethel, Rachel dies giving birth to a son that she names Benoni.  Jacob doesn’t like the name and changes it to Benjamin, then buries Rachel in Bethlehem, before heading out again “beyond” Edar. (35:16-21)

While near Edar, Reuben Jacob’s oldest boy, gets his late-mother’s maid Bilhah pregnant and she gives birth to a son who doesn’t get a name. (35:22-26)

Soon after Jacob gets home, Isaac dies (1758 BC) and is buried. (35:27-29) Esau doesn’t kill Jacob, since they have made up since Esau’s vow. And so ends our trip through the Bible for this time.

Since the family tree gets quite convoluted in the preceding chapters I have include an updated family tree through Jacob (below left), and then a separate family tree for Jacob and his immediate family (below right).  (Click on either table to see a larger image if need be) With explanations as needed below the trees.

The Abraham Family tree (4)Jacobs family

Updates on the Abrahamic Family tree:

  • Rachel and Leah are Jacob’s second cousins/wives
  • Rachel is Leah’s sister/sister-in-law.  The reverse is also true.
  • Jacob has 13 children and 1 grandchild.  4 of the children and the grandchild are born out of wed-lock
  • Bilhah is Rachel’s maid, Jacob’s mistress, and Reuben’s servant-with-benefits.
  • Bilhah is the mother of two of Jacob’s children and the mother of his grandchild.
  • Bilhah is Reuben’s aunt, and the mother of his child.

Next time:  

We learn about Esau’s huge family; more incest (of course); God kills some of Jacob grandkids; and we get into the story of Jacob’s son Joseph (of “coat of many colors” fame)

Genesis Chapters 25-28

With chapter 25 we reach the halfway mark for the book of Genesis.  However, this does not mean that the incest and genocide are anywhere near an end as there are many more examples of God’s special types of love to come.

In this post:  Abraham gets remarried then dies; Brotherly love Bible style; Isaac tries his hand at the family con; Rebekah teaches Jacob how to lie and swindle his father; More incest;

Chapter 25

This chapter starts by telling us that Abraham remarried after Sarah’s death and had several children with his second wife (no blood relation this time) and that he also had some children with mistresses.  Though none of these children were allowed to stay around, and everything Abraham had went to Isaac. (25:1-6)

Then in 1863 BC at the age of 175 Abraham dies and is buried next to Sarah. (25:7-10)

After Abraham dies God gives his blessing to Isaac who is still living in Lahairoi. (25:11)

We then learn that Ishmael had several children and died in 1815 BC at the age of 137.  He wasn’t buried in the family plot. (25:12-18)

We then backtrack a little and learn that Isaac eventually made an honest woman of Rebekah after their first-date night of sex.  They were married in 1898 BC when Isaac was 40, and they soon discovered that Rebekah is barren (possibly a result of inbreeding), but God takes care of it and she gets pregnant. (25:19-21)

Esau_and_Jacob_Presented_to_IsaacRebekah has a hard time with the pregnancy and talks to God about it.  God tells her that there are two different people in her, one stronger than the other and that the older and stronger of the two will serve the younger. And, sure enough, in 1878 when she gives birth, it is twins:  the first out is a hairy red-head they named Esau, and the other comes out holding his brother’s foot; they name him Jacob. (25:22-26)

Esau, we learn, becomes a great hunter and “man of the field” who feeds his family and is the favorite of Isaac, while Jacob becomes a momma’s boy who hangs out at home all the time. (25:27-28)

JacobBirthrightTo end the chapter we are told a little story of brotherly love Bible style.  It seems that one day when Esau returned home famished from actually working to feed the family, he found that Jacob had made some bean soup, with what was apparently the last of the food Esau had worked so hard for.  Esau asked Jacob for some soup since he was so hungry he felt faint.  Jacob says that Esau can have some soup if he gives up his birthright as firstborn. Esau, who is half-starved, agrees.  It seems that Jacob had been well-trained in the art of extortion by his grandfather/great-uncle/great-great-uncle.  (25:29-34)

Chapter 26

This chapter starts with a famine similar to that which Abraham had experienced.  Isaac, unlike his father, does as God tells him and goes to Gerar (the same Gerar where Abe and Sarah last pulled their sister/wife scam) and not Egypt.  In return, God makes all the same promises to Isaac that he had made to Abraham who had done everything that God told him to do. (26:1-6)

Isaac tries to pull his father/uncle’s old routine of “she’s not my wife she’s my sister,” but the king had already fallen for this trick before with Abraham and Sarah, and calls Isaac out on it, and puts out a decree saying that anyone who touches Isaac or Rebekah would be put to death. (26:7-11)

So, Isaac and Rebekah stick around in Gerar growing wealthy, making deals with the king’s men when he isn’t around, and digging wells.  Isaac even renames Beersheba:  he calls it Shebah, so everyone calls it Beersheba.  I know, it’s confusing, but that’s what it says. (26:12-33)

Then we’re told that Esau gets a couple of wives (not blood relatives) that Isaac and Rebekah don’t like. (26:34-35)

Chapter 27

Fade in on an old blind Isaac who believes that he’s going to die soon.

Isaac calls in Esau and says that if he will bring him some savory venison that he will grant him his blessing before he dies. (27:1-4)

Rebekah overhears the conversation and when Esau heads out, she tells Jacob to get some goats and they will use them to think Isaac into blessing Jacob instead. (27:5-10) Gotta love this family.

800px-Book_of_Genesis_Chapter_27-5_(Bible_Illustrations_by_Sweet_Media)Jacob points out to Rebekah that Esau is hairy and if Isaac touches him he will know that he isn’t Esau.  But, Rebekah has that covered and tells Jacob to do as he’s told.  So they get the goat meat, Rebekah makes it so it will taste like Isaac’s favorite venison, and she has Jacob wear Esau’s clothes and she wraps goatskin around his hands and neck. (27:11-16)

So Jacob takes the meat to Isaac, who falls for the stunt like a moron, even though he notices that the voice is wrong, and gives Jacob the blessing meant for Esau. (27:17-29)

No sooner than Jacob leaves with his stolen blessing, in walks Esau.  They quickly figure out what has happened and Isaac says that because of the blessing, Esau must serve his brother, but that in time he will be free from that service. Esau leaves swearing that when his father dies he will kill Jacob. (27:30-41)

Rebekah finds out about Esau said and has Jacob run and hide at her brother’s house in Haran, until Esau calms down. (27:42-45)  Then she goes to Isaac and says she’s worried that Isaac might marry some local girl, and she doesn’t want that to happen. (27:46) She doesn’t mention her role in swindling him earlier.

Chapter 28

Isaac then calls Jacob in, blesses him and tells him to go look for a wife at his uncle’s place. (28:1-5)

Esau overhears Isaac talking to Jacob, and decides to beat him to marrying a cousin by marrying one of Ishmael’s daughters, so he now not only beat Jacob to the incest punch, but has three wives. (28:6-9)

JacobsLadderWhile Jacob is on his way to get a wife from his uncle, he spends the night in Luz.  While asleep he has a dream that the place he’s in is the stairway to heaven (Jacob’s Ladder) and that God blesses him as he had blessed Abraham and Isaac.  When he wakes up, Jacob renames the place Bethel, and vows that if God will give him everything he wants then he will give ten percent back.  (28:10-22) Quite a deal.

The Abraham Family tree thru Esau and Jacob(4)

Since Esau dragged poor Ishmael into the Abrahamic tradition of incest I have included an updated family tree at right.

So now:

  • Mahalath, the daughter of Ishmael, is Esau’s wife/cousin, Isaac’s niece/daughter-in-law, Rebekah’s cousin/daughter-in-law, and Jacob’s cousin/sister-in-law
  • Jacob is Esau’s cousin by marriage/brother
  • Ishmael is Esau’s uncle/father-in-law

Fortunately, Ishmael didn’t live to see his child dragged into the family tradition of incest.

Next time:  Jacob has sex with a lot of sisters and maids, and rips off his uncle then runs away; some rape and war; brothers make up; and Isaac dies.

Genesis Chapters 20-24

In this post:  Abraham has a son with his wife, and throws his bastard son and his mother out into the desert, Abraham tries to kill his legitimate son, Incest, Incest, and more Incest, Sarah dies, Abraham stays in family to buy a wife for his son, and we try to unravel Abraham’s tangled mess of a family tree to this point.

 Chapter 20

 We move from Lot’s little cave of incest back to Abraham who is up to his old tricks.

After watching the Genocide in Sodom, Abraham and Sarah head south to Gerar a Philistine town in what is today south central Israel. (20:1)  The odd thing is that they would have had to be in Gerar at least 700 years before it was ever settled.  Isaac, who hasn’t yet ben born in the story, was born in 1938 BC. Gerar wasn’t settled until sometime around 1200 BC and nothing more than a small village until around 800 BC.  Odd isn’t it.

Anyway, once in Gerar, Abraham and Sarah pull their old sister/wife routine on the King. (20:2)  Sarah must have truly been an outstanding woman to still be so desirable at the age of 90.

This time, instead of plagues on the King’s children, God threatens the king directly through a dream.  In this dream God tells the king that he’s a dead man for what he’s done. However, the king defends himself by mentioning Abraham’s lie, and asking God if he would kill an innocent man for a crime he didn’t actually commit.  The king clearly didn’t know about the infanticide in Sodom, or he would have been worried about the answer.  But, God relents and tells the king to release Sarah and treat Abraham well and his non-existent crime will be forgiven. Otherwise God will go on another baby killing spree.  So the King agrees. (20:3-8)

The next day the king asks Abraham what his deal is with trying to get him killed.  Abraham pulls the ‘ole I thought you’d kill me to take my wife bit (20:9-11) and then admits that Sarah is in fact his half-sister. So, in a way, Abraham wasn’t lying when he called his wife his sister because, he was married to his sister.(20:12-13)  That’s right folks, more incest, and there’s more to come later.

So, the king gives Abraham more livestock and protection money, and says he can camp out there as long as he wants.  In return, Abraham gets God to let the king’s wife have babies again since God had shut off all the baby making machinery in the king’s household. (20:14-18)

 Chapter 21

A little time goes by, and God visits Ma Sarah and gets her pregnant. Sarah gives birth to Isaac, in 1938 BC when Abraham is 100 years old and she is 94. The boy is circumcised and eventually bar mitzvahs and all was good. (21:1-8)  Well, almost all.

480px-014.Abraham_Sends_Hagar_and_Ishmael_AwayAfter Isaac’s bar mitzvah, Sarah starts thinking about Ishmael, and tells Abraham that she doesn’t want Ishmael to have any rights as a son.  Abraham talks to God about it, and they decide to toss Ishmael and Hagar into the desert with some bread and a bottle of water. (21:9-14)

As will happen in the desert, the water runs out and the child almost dies.  But, God shows Hagar where to find water for the boy, and he ends up surviving and doing relatively well in the wilderness with a wife that his mother gets for him in Egypt.  The wife wasn’t a blood relative as was the custom in Abraham’s family. (21:15-21)

Sometime after throwing his son and the child’s mother out into the desert, Abraham is visited by the king from chapter 20.  Abraham and the king get into a little argument about a well that Abraham supposedly dug, but they part amicably, and Abraham sticks around for a little longer and names the area around the well Beersheba. (21:22-34)

 Chapter 22

God then tells Abraham to take Isaac to Moriah and burn him as an offering.  Without batting an eye, Abraham grabs Isaac, a couple of servants and a bunch of wood and heads to the mountains to kill Isaac. (22:1-6)

778px-Sacrifice_of_Isaac-Caravaggio_(Uffizi)When they get there, Isaac gets a little suspicious since they don’t have an animal to sacrifice, so Abraham ties him up and throws him on the altar they had built, and, without pause, raises the knife to kill him, but an angel steps in and stops him. (22:7-12)  So, Abraham grabs a ram and kills it instead. (22:13-14)

God then promises Abraham, all of the stuff he had promised him several times before, and Abraham and crew go back to Beersheba. (22:15-19)

Once back in Beersheba, Abraham is brought up to date on the family of his brother Nahor and Nahor’s niece/wife who has eight children and a grand-daughter Rebekah.  He’s also told that Nahor has some other kids with his mistress.  Seems that Nahor was not only incestuous, but also adulterous; truly a brother of Abraham. (22:20-24)

 Chapter 23

This chapter begins with the death of Sarah, Abraham’s sister/wife/extortion partner.  Sarah dies in 1905 BC at the age of 127. (23:1)

The rest of the chapter details how Abraham buys a piece of land to bury her in. (23:2-20)

 Chapter 24

Abraham is starting to feel old so he sends a servant back to Nahor (the town) to find a wife for Isaac, because he doesn’t want Isaac finding his own wife in Canaan. (24:1-10)

When Abraham’s servant gets to Nahor, there is a line of women at the well and he’s really thirsty, so he says to himself, that whoever gives him and his camels a drink will be the woman he takes back as Isaac’s wife. (24:11-14) An old version of eeny-meeny-miney-moe.

He soon spots a hot young virgin and asks her for a drink and she gives him one, then she gets water for his camels.  The little hottie is Rebekah, Abraham’s brother’s granddaughter, but the servant doesn’t know this yet. (24:15-20)

So, the servant thinks that God might be helping him with his quest, but, just in case, he gives the girl a bunch of jewelry to soften her up, then asks her who she is, and if he can spend the night at her place. (24:21-23)

Rebekah tells him who she is and offers him a place to stay, the servant is overjoyed to find out who she is in relation to Abraham, most likely because he knows how much Abraham likes incest, and the girl goes to tell her family. (24:24-28)

Rebekah’s brother fetches the servant to their house where he unpacks and gets ready to eat. (24:29-33)

Bacciarelli_Rebecca_and_EleazarBefore he eats, the servant tells them who he is and why he’s there.  Bethuel, Rebekah’s father, happily sends his daughter off to be married to his great-uncle’s son, after all the entire family is built on incest, and Rebekah, being a good daughter agrees.  So, the servant gives Rebekah’s family a lot of money for her, and takes her and her stuff back to Abraham. (24:34-61)

When they get to Lahairoi where Isaac now lives, Isaac and Rebekah meet, and Isaac immediately takes his second-cousin into his late mother/aunt’s tent and they have some pre-marital sex.  After sleeping with Rebekah, Isaac no longer feels bad about his mother/aunt having died. (24:62-67)

The Convoluted Abrahamic Family Tree

The Convoluted Abrahamic Family Tree

So, now we have a family line from Terah to Jacob.  However the family tree reads like some stereotype hillbilly family tree.

I have included a diagram of Terah’s family line at right, and to help understand it I have listed some of the highlights below:

  • Terah is Abraham’s Father, Nahor’s Father, and Sarah’s father
  • Abraham is Sarah’s half-brother and husband
  • Rebekah is Abraham’s great-niece and daughter-in-law.  She also has the same relations to Sarah
  • Rebekah is Isaac’s wife and second cousin
  • Moab, and Benammi are Lot’s sons as well as his grandsons
  • Benammi is Moab’s brother and uncle. The reverse is also true.
  • Nahor is Milcah’s uncle and husband as well as Lot’s uncle and brother-in-law
  • Milcah is Bethuel’s cousin and mother
  • Isaac is Bethuel’s cousin and son-in-law.  He is also the son and nephew of both Abraham and Sarah.
  • Jacob is Rebekah’s cousin and son, as is Esau
  • There are four generations from Terah to Jacob, there are also only three generations from Terah to Jacob
  • There are also three and four generations from Terah to Moab

Confusing isn’t it.  Ishmael should be thankful he was tossed into the desert to die by his father, otherwise he might have ended up married to his mother or grandmother.

Next time:  Abraham gets married again, and then dies;  Isaac marries his cousin and they have kids;  brotherly love Bible style; Isaac keeps his dad’s con alive; and, of course, more incest.  Until then, beware of incestuous con artists.  Ron

Genesis Chapters 16-19

Genesis 16-19

In this post:  Abraham bangs the maid and has a bastard son named Ishmael, God shows that he is pro-slavery as well as supportive of beating and raping your slaves, Abraham goes on a circumcision bender, God has a bit of fun with Genocide, and Biblical family values on display.

Chapter 16

The First Key Party

The First Key Party

This chapter opens with Sarai feeling bad that she hasn’t given Abram any children (16:1), so she comes up with the idea of letting Abram impregnate her maid.  Abram is fine with the idea so he and the maid Hagar get it on and she gets pregnant. Years later, when the Governor of California does this people lose their minds over it, but Abraham does it and he’s a great man.  Go figure.  

Anyway, when Hagar learns that she’s pregnant she gets upset, probably over Sarai pimping her out to Abram. (16:2-4)

Sarai whines to Abram about Hagar’s attitude.  Abram tells Sarai that Hagar belongs to her so she can do what she wants to with her, so Sarai beats her pregnant servant like any good slave owner would, and Hagar runs away. (16:5-6)

God tracks Hagar down and tells her to go back to her mistress so she can be beaten some more and have more kids.  He then tells her that the bastard she’s carrying will be a boy named Ishmael, and that he will be a wild man.  So Hagar does as she’s told and goes back. (16:7-14)

When she gets back Ishmael is born.  He is born in 1952 BC when Abram is 86 years old. (16:15-16)

Chapter 17

13 years later, in 1939 BC, God comes back to visit with Abram, and after bragging about how wonderful he is, he changes Abram’s name to Abraham, and offers him a deal. (17:1-5)

God says he will give Abraham many kids, some of whom will be kings, and that these kids, and their offspring, and so on will rule over the lands of Canaan forever.  In return, God wants a bunch of foreskins.  Abraham, his sons, and every man slave or free in his kingdom must have their foreskin cut off for God, and from then on every male baby must have his foreskin cut off when he turns eight days old.  Anyone who doesn’t give up his foreskin will be cut off from God.(17:6-14) It is never explained why God has such a foreskin fetish,

Then God says that Abraham has to change the spelling of his wife’s name from Sarai to Sarah, and that he will give him a son through her. (17:15-16)

Abraham laughed to himself about the idea of him having a son with his 90 year old wife when he’s 96.  But, God says it will happen and that they will call him Isaac, and he will grow up to be a great king in good standing with God. (17:17-19)

God then says that Abraham’s slave bastard will do well also, but not as well as Isaac, and then he leaves. (17:20-22)

So, Abraham rushes home and starts cutting off everyone’s foreskin.  He cuts off his foreskin, Ishmael’s foreskin, all his subjects’ foreskins, and all his slaves’ foreskins.  It’s one big foreskin party. (17:23-27)

Chapter 18

This chapter starts out with Abraham lounging on the porch of his tent with God, when three men suddenly appear in front of him.  It seems that the men are angels and Abraham immediately offers to wash their feet and feed them. The men look at him and say “…So do, as thou hast said (18:1-5) So, we have hungry, uppity angels, with dirty feet.  Abraham has Sarah and one of his cowboys fix up a nice meal for his guests and they chow. (18:6-9)

After the angels eat, they, God, Sarah, and Abraham have a discussion about how Sarah will soon have a child even though she is old and has gone through menopause (18:10-15), then the  Angels, and God get up and head toward Sodom and Abraham walks with them. (18:16)

God decides to tell Abraham about the destruction he has planned for Sodom and Gomorrah.  Abraham asks if he intends to kill the good people along with the bad, and he and God start haggling about the number of good people it will take to spare the rest; God really wants to kill these people, but Abraham not so much.  So, after some negotiation, God says that if he can find 10 good people he will let the rest live, but if not then they all die. Then God goes his way and Abraham goes home. (18:17-33)

Chapter 19

This chapter starts with Lot lounging at the Sodom city gate when two of the angels that we saw earlier come by. Lot convinces them to come to his house and have dinner and spend the night (19:1-3)  What happened to the third guy is never mentioned.  As they are getting ready for bed, a crowd of people surround the house and demand that Lot turn over his guests to them.  Lot goes outside and says that he can’t give them his guests, but he’ll give them his two virgin daughters to rape if they want. (19:4-8) The crowd turns down Lot’s offer and rushes the door. (19:9)

426px-Sodoma_-_Aldegrever (1)The angels grab Lot, pull him inside and strike the crowd blind. (19:10-11) Then they tell Lot that he needs to get his family and all his stuff and leave the city, because God doesn’t like the people here and they are here to destroy them. (19:12-13)  So, Lot tells his sons-in-law about it and they don’t listen. (19:14)

When morning rolls around the angels tell Lot to grab his wife and the two girls that he had offered up for rape and leave so they won’t get killed with everyone else.  So, they all hold hands and leave the city. (19:15-16)

Once outside the city, the angels tell them to run for their lives, not to look back, and escape to the mountains. But Lot is scared of a monster or something getting him in the mountains, so they decide that he can go to a small nearby town named Zoar and be safe there, and by sunrise Lot and his family are in Zoar. (19:17-23)

479px-Albrecht_Dürer_054So, with Lot out of the way God sent fire and hot rocks down on Sodom and Gomorrah as well as the rest of the area around them destroying all the cities and towns in the area as well as all the people, plants, and animals (19:24-25)  It can be assumed that there were no more than 9 babies in the whole mess, because God had said 10 would stop it all.  So, 9 dead babies is OK, at least to God.

Lot’s wife got a little nosey and looked back (she probably heard all the babies screaming).  God promptly turned her into a pillar of salt. (19:26) Here we learn that God doesn’t like witnesses to his massacres.

When Abraham got up that morning he saw all the smoke and destruction, but wasn’t turned to salt. (19:27-29)

Lot decides that he doesn’t trust God’s promise about being safe in Zoar, and heads for the mountains where he finds a nice cozy cave for him and his daughters (19:30)

Once settled in the cave, the daughters began talking about how there aren’t any men around for them to have sex with. So, they decide to get their old man drunk and that the oldest girl will have sex with him. (19:31-32)

A Family That Plays Together...Is Sick

A Family That Plays Together…Is Sick

So Lot gets stupid drunk and bangs his oldest daughter. The next night the youngest has her turn with her drunk father. and both girls end up pregnant. It seems that Lot was quite a horn-dog when he drank, and would have sex with anything that got near him, including his virgin daughters. (19:33-36)

The first girl’s son became the father of all Moabites, and the second girl’s son became the father of all of Ammon. (19:37-38)

Next time:  We find out Abraham’s dirty little secret, Abraham lies again and makes money off of it, Isaac is born, Hagar gets uppity again, Abraham tries to kill one kid and the other almost dies due to neglect, and Sarah dies.  A good time to be had for all.  I hope you will join me.  Ron.